I'll be waiting

Its not easy to write something,
And not say what is meant to be said,
To have to cloak my meaning,
For fear of this and that,

But write I will for it releases me,
Self expression is my anesthetic,
And though it wears off, given time,
I can always take another shot.

For now, confusion still clouds me,
Explanations elude my grasp,
I am scared, I am insecure,
But most of all, I am pining.

There is so much I might impulsively do,
In this current state of mind,
Only to make things worse,
To push things a little too far.

I know not where the line is,
And so I dare not move,
The slightest twitch could trigger an avalanche,
Sealing me in an icy tomb.

So the only thing I can do is wait,
Its difficult, but its all that I got,
For I still cling onto the last vestige of hope,
That last slender glimmer of light.

I've been meaning to tell you this all this while,
Only to see chance after chance slip away,
So if you do read this,
Know that I'm here, and I'll be waiting.