Spontaneity

Is something that I simply do not have. And is something that I will probably never fully understand. I used to frown upon spontaneity, less so now. I could credit it to Malcolm Gladwell, but I think it started long before I knew about him.

Now, its almost amusing. Its almost like I am a child poking at a Fisher Price toy that keeps rebounding back and giggling happily every time it does that. Sounds silly, but thats what it feels like to me.

I thought that it was a bit contradictory for me to be so chaotic but still lack spontaneity. I'm not exactly the most organized of people, something that I get reminded of all the time. (especially if I mess up). But then I realized that being methodical and being spontaneous are not exactly two mutually exclusive things. There are people who are both.

I guess part of being spontaneous is not giving a flying fuck. Something that is exceedingly hard to do. Even when writing this post I asked myself why I am doing this. I suppose that deep down inside I think that a policy of do first, consequences later could be disastrous. The problem is where to draw the line for allowable spontaneous behaviour. How do I identify situations in which the disastrous consequences are negligible?

Sigh.

I realize that this post is the exact things that I rant about. Pointless, meaningless jumble of words that are more likely to annoy than to inform.

But I'm trying to be spontaneous, so gimme a break.

=)

Thank you.

For proving me wrong.

For restoring a good measure of my faith.

For the appreciation.

My conclusions were close to being drawn, and validation about how screwed up things are seemed inevitable, but you came along and did what I never expected you to do. It wasn't all good news, but the disappointment was overshadowed by the pleasant surprise that I was actually hearing what you were saying.

To be honest, I didn't think you cared enough. I had already lumped you into the same category as all the others, ready to write you off. I'm glad I didn't. You made me see that there are those out there who still believe that there is a right thing to do.

To a certain extent, you have made it possible for me to look at that zone in life that you occupy and smile.

There are good people left there. =)