I have a second blog.

Yes, I do. It partially explains why I haven't really been posting as much here. Actually, thats just an excuse. I haven't been posting here because I honestly have nothing to post about. The ideas I have been getting are pretty offensive, and I rather keep them to myself. Or just share them with those whom I know will not flip. A public space just isn't the place to air those opinions.

But, the bit about the second blog is true. I didn't really have a choice. Its for a subject called Engineers and Society. Its rubbish. To me at least. Suddenly MMU notices that engineers are graduating with little or no knowledge about their surroundings and decides to do something about it. The result is this total retard of a subject.

And to make the engineers a little more outspoken, we have been required to blog. About the society. I don't know if you have seen the kind of people that populate the engineering faculty. If you do, then you will know that having an opinion is just something that they are not very good at. When all you do is study indisputable facts about our universe, you tend to get used to not arguing. So what we get is a big, drivelley pool of literary degenerati. The attempts at giving relationship tips are so bloody shallow, I really wanted to harm myself after reading the posts. Then there are the usual religious nutcases who want to talk about 'the greatest man who has ever lived' or 'why pork is haram'.

Some people have a problem with the system because it is more of a popularity contest than anything else. The more friends you have in class, the more stars you get on your articles, even if they may be close to being unreadable.

But my problem with the damn system is just the fact that it exposes the true extent of what engineers in MMU consider important and worth writing about. Its something I can live happily without ever knowing about. I don't want to know. It depresses me. And the worst part is I have to comment at least 3 times a week, which pretty much forces me to read the posts.

No escape. These lecturers think of everything.

Damn.

A silly little monologue.

You know what your biggest problem is? You let life's little imperfections get to you. You make mountains out of bloody dung beetle nests.

You say it all the time. Life sucks, deal with it. Its about time you started living by it.

Let go. Move along. There are enough things going right to be happy about.

State of transition is an excuse and you know it. Everyone is in a state of transition. They may be less aware of it than you are, but it still doesn't mean that it isn't happening. Confusion is common. Depression will come and go. But you have to bounce back.

You have come a long way, friend. But the end is no where in sight. Just keep your head up and keep walking.

Against the odds.

By request from her ladyship.

I'll be perfectly honest, I was actually dreading the thought of seeing that debate pan out. I've seen my fair share of one sided drubbings, and it could get ugly. I have seen just how crushing such defeats can be, just how demoralizing such demonstrations of ruthlessness can crush the spirit.

But I put up a brave front. When I saw the motion, my heart sank further. International relations. Probably the least forgiving of the themes that could have emerged for the round.

An hour and a half later, I was left feeling so proud of the products of our half assed academy that I wanted to hug them all. To say that they rose to the occasion would be an understatement. They were like 300 Spartans surrounded by the Persian army. They were like Stephen Chow in Kung Fu Hustle. Even after getting his head pummeled into the floor, he raised this small stick with the last ounce of his strength and tapped the greatest assassin in the world on the head.

It was, to me, one of the most inspiring 'never say die' moments I have seen. Others would have curled up into a ball and prayed for it to end quickly. They took the fight to their illustrious opponents and kept the facade till the very end.

The fairly spectacular fallout that happened after that was painful to watch, but they all bounced back admirably in the next round.

This is totally cheesy, but that really was one case of students teaching the mentor something.

Waking up II

The wind blew gently into his face, occasionally throwing a stray blade of grass into his face. He sat on the soft ground, hugging his legs, his chin resting lazily on his knees. It was a beautiful morning, and he had a wonderful view of the sunrise. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, smiling as the scent of spring flowers wafted past him. Life was good, almost dreamlike.

He heard a squeak. He couldn't place it, but he knew what it meant. Springing to his feet, he started combing the hill, looking for its source. It could have come from anywhere in the grass, and as he searched, his desperation started growing.

The squeak started changing. It started becoming lower and lower, until it was soon more of a growl. At this point, the source has become quite visible. A great hulking mass of muscle and fur lay at the foot of the hill, curled up into a ball. It was breathing heavily, and steadily growing.

He rushed forward hoping to reach it before it became too late. As he ran, the beast unfurled itself revealing its claws and teeth. It still moved slowly, like a bear just coming out of hibernation. The growling was turning into roars, each one progressively louder.

He reached the growing monster and flung his arms around it in a bear hug. Surprised by the sudden intrusion into its leisurely awakening, the beast started trashing about in an effort to throw the offending creature off its back. The claws flailed about in random directions. But he hung on. He had to.

Pulling himself a little higher up the back, he wrapped his arms around it's neck. Feeling the small limbs wrapped around it's windpipe only served to make it feel even more vulnerable and prompted even more violence.

He stared whispering into the beast's ear. He has learned long ago that a soft, persuasive tone didn't work. It only antagonized the monster even more. The only thing that worked was an icy, emotionally detached appeal. A cold dose of logic and reasoning. The simple facts and nothing more.

It was taking longer than usual this time. The razor sharp teeth were slashing dangerously close to his face. Sometimes, they got close enough and they grazed him slightly. But that was enough to draw blood, and soon his face was a mess of nasty cuts. Soon he began to tire, his aching muscles begging him to let go. But he hung on, keeping his vice-like grip. He kept up the whispering, kept up the firm and gentle pressure to calm down.

It took what seemed like an eternity, but the persistence finally started to pay off. Slowly, but surely, the snapping and scratching abated. The monster started shrinking until it was back to its usual small self. He slumped to the ground, thoroughly exhausted. Every time he does it, it gets harder. One day, the beast will get the better of him, and all hell will break loose. He needed help, needed someone to help contain the monster.

He could only pray that the saviour will come soon.

Pretty fun stuff.

I haven't been posting for some time, between my dad being discharged from the hospital, L!m's assignments and a final commentary piece for Model United Nations, I haven't really had the time.

The weekend spent in Singapore was what I would have called a complete experience. For me, it had everything. A sense of achievement, embarassment, elation, depression, the whole works. On the bright side, my team won best newspaper. And I had 2 articles published front page. And my editor really liked my analysis. So did the head of the press corps. I went from reporter on day one to analyst on day two. All in all, enough to make me wonder what I'm doing in engineering all over again. I became a mentor to a journalism student, which was a little weird to be honest.

Then there was the hour or so that I spent on the verge of tears. I still managed to churn out a decent article in that state, probably because I had all the ideas already preformed before I curled up into a small ball and started whimpering. I haven't felt that way in a while, the shortness of breath and actual physical suffocation still catches me off guard.

I had fairly high expectations for the Model UN and I would say that NTU has fulfilled them. I feel a sense of vindication, like I proved something to myself. I suppose you were right when you told me to go with what I felt was right for me, even if it seems like the encouragement served a secondary purpose. Whatever it is, I just hope I didn't cock up too badly. Sorry.