Wanna go green? Stop gardening.

This is not a post born out of genuine concern for the environment. This is written because I'm annoyed by this needless chore called gardening. Yes, I'm a town boy. I don't like nature. I like earthworms best when I put them in a petri dish and observe them in a lab. I hate camping and jungle trekking. So sue me.

But seriously, the one thing that a lot of people tend to forget when they make recommendations for being more environmentally friendly is the fact that those perfectly manicured gardens that they keep is a menace to the environment. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, they are. To keep those fragile little plants alive, they are watered daily. Talk about wasting water. Forget about washing your shoes less often or taking shorter baths. Get rid of those bloody potted plants and you would have saved us a whole lot of water. Its particularly bad of you have a lawn, and have sprinklers to keep them alive. If you can plant a tree big enough to sustain itself on rainwater, then by all means, keep it. If not, dump it I say. Then you wouldn't have to have people like me weed or re-pot the damned thing. And don't get me started on the fertilizers and pesticides you need to keep those precious little flowers in bloom.

And while you're at it, you might as well get rid of another major annoyance. Golf courses. Gardens are bad, but golf courses are like cyanide to mother nature. So any rich prick who claims to be green (normally happens after they start some big corporate green campaign), but has a bunch of golf clubs along with a wardrobe full of checkered pants can suck my balls. Seriously, the amount of space that you take up just so you can have a nice way to seal your business deals is ridiculous. (And, yes, you guessed it. I hate golf)

Am I barking up the wrong tree? Maybe. I don't know how much water is used in an average household to water the plants and lawn. Maybe its quite insignificant. But its certainly one of the things that I'm perfectly willing to see being sacrificed to save the environment.