Spontaneity

Is something that I simply do not have. And is something that I will probably never fully understand. I used to frown upon spontaneity, less so now. I could credit it to Malcolm Gladwell, but I think it started long before I knew about him.

Now, its almost amusing. Its almost like I am a child poking at a Fisher Price toy that keeps rebounding back and giggling happily every time it does that. Sounds silly, but thats what it feels like to me.

I thought that it was a bit contradictory for me to be so chaotic but still lack spontaneity. I'm not exactly the most organized of people, something that I get reminded of all the time. (especially if I mess up). But then I realized that being methodical and being spontaneous are not exactly two mutually exclusive things. There are people who are both.

I guess part of being spontaneous is not giving a flying fuck. Something that is exceedingly hard to do. Even when writing this post I asked myself why I am doing this. I suppose that deep down inside I think that a policy of do first, consequences later could be disastrous. The problem is where to draw the line for allowable spontaneous behaviour. How do I identify situations in which the disastrous consequences are negligible?

Sigh.

I realize that this post is the exact things that I rant about. Pointless, meaningless jumble of words that are more likely to annoy than to inform.

But I'm trying to be spontaneous, so gimme a break.

=)