No direction, but no matter..

I have a number of things to express but most are not really post worthy. Normally at least, but today is a bit different.

A kind of calmness has finally come about. I've had better, but with reference to the last few days, I've finally come to a fairly uneventful phase. Release works. Thankfully, I've had the people around me to help me do that. You have my thanks. I'm not going to name any names here, but you know who you are. Some of you probably don't read this blog anyway, but who cares?

I had this status message that read "I'm like a pendulum". Not quite true, as someone pointed out. Pendulums are fairly predicatable, under normal operation at least. They oscillate in a fairly unspectacular manner. I am more like a gas molecule, under Brownian motion. One minute I'm flying in one direction, the next I'm going in an alltogether different one. I've solidified since then I suppose. I'm now vibrating on the spot (If you've had any experience with physical chemistry at all, you'd know what I mean). I've had people who had ample supply of liquid nitrogen to help with that. I've already mentioned that but I feel a bit of redundancy is called for tonight, I think.

A good number of people I know watch House M.D. , which is why I'm using the episodes for better imagery. One of his patients was a masochist who hired a dominatrix. At some point in the episode, the woman actually tried to explain to House why the patient did what he did. I'm paraphrasing, but what she said something along the lines of "When you can learn to trust someone completely, it changes you." If we can learn to put our fate in someone else's hands, our perspective changes. If my mum knew what I'm thinking right now, she will probably sit me down and give me a lecture about life. And she'd be right to do it. This goes against every rule I've set down. But its my life, and I'm entitled to do what I wish with it. I shall have faith. Should the faith be misplaced, then so be it. It is a risk I am willing to take.

Sure, if it blows up, then Brownian motion will become an atom being split in half by a neutron and I'll have a nuclear fallout to deal with. I know that. I just don't really care. I'll ask for the yellow suits when I need them.